Whoops! You forgot your feelings! Is what I want to say to people all day long for all kinds of reasons. But “overthinking” has been coming up lately in a variety of ways, so I’ll focus there. Because even if you aren’t overthinking, you’re probably not letting yourself feel your way through some of those tough choices either.
So, are you overthinking? Or are you just thoughtful and cautious?
Our culture loves a spontaneous, bold hero, but that’s not everyone’s go to mode. It’s not most people’s go to mode. What we know we should do and what we think makes a compelling fictional character are, more often than not, not the same thing. As our regular exposure to everyday people gets further away in the rearview mirror, and all we see are the social media versions of life, we’re missing out on a lot of the messy in between stuff. Just make sure you’re not judging something that isn’t actually there.
Are you overthinking? Or are you just thinking?
There’s a lot to think about right now. A way-above-average lot. It doesn’t get less exhausting with time. And we are reallllly bending our brains - and overextending our optimism - toward a totally different future than the one we were planning on this time last year.
In a reveal of my truly nerdy side, I sometimes imagine the future we try to will into existence looking like the new Fillory at the end of The Magicians. Where we’ve obsessed over one possible thing for so long it becomes part of the landscape like Alice’s field of crispy bacon. Which is to say, it’s probably going to feel like a lot of surreal nonsense for a while yet.
How does one plan for that? If you feel like you’re going over a million more possibilities than ever before, it’s because there are a lot more to consider.
Are you overthinking? Or are you so mentally exhausted your thinking threshold is lower?
Chronic stress and sadness and isolation/no privacy, and confusion - and all the other baseline vibes of the past 12 months - take up a lot of space.
If it feels harder than usual to make everyday decisions, making major decisions right now is bonkers! The details of the future are a blur, no doubt. But you are also likely overtaxing all the systems a person needs to make measured choices. And, if you’re like I used to be and love to fill your anxiety times with keeping busy, the odds of burning out are even greater.
Are you overthinking? Or are you just trying to make every decision a rational one without considering how it feels?
I love a good rationalization session as much as the next gal, but I learned a long time ago that making decisions based on what makes sense on paper alone does not suit me. To say the least. In fact, those decisions are usually the ones that end up making me feel like shit.
Okay, we’ve established it’s probably not really overthinking. That doesn’t make the stress of it all any easier, I realize. But I’m hoping you’ll be a little nicer to yourselves and possibly others. [SIDE NOTE: People who are hiring people currently, give your prospective new hires a little slack with your fast turnaround times for their decisions. There’s a LOT to consider. Don’t suck your potential new employees into your panic before they’re even on the payroll.]
So, what can you do to get off the self-judging, meta thinking about thinking hamster wheel and give your brain a little break?
Journal it out. Just write it down. Get it OUT OF YOUR HEAD. Or send it in an email, or series of lengthy direct messages to a friend. Don’t just think or even talk about it, put it into writing. There’s a certain alchemy in committing the words to a page that just helps.
Learn. When you’re puzzling over something relentlessly, it could be because you don’t have enough information. Ask someone. Read a book. Go down a Google rabbit hole. Take a class.
Veg out. Be still like vegetables. Lay like broccoli. Binge watch a show. Read a book! Turn on a guided meditation. Give your mind a break.
Simplify. Overdoing is a great way to cause overthinking. Stop cleaning your house like company’s coming over. Decline that volunteer opportunity. Set fewer goals.
Stay the course. If making a decision is too overwhelming, and you don’t actually have to make it, don’t.
Ask for help. There’s nothing wrong with being a thoughtful person. But if you’re finding yourself overwhelmed by thoughts to the point where it is making everything worse, ask for help. Find a therapist, a coach, a mentor, or a great friend (or all of those characters at once) who is dedicated to helping you get out of the thought pit. If you’re in a crisis, text 741741 any time day or night to talk to a certified Crisis Text Line counselor.
As we readjust to pre-post-pandemic life, give yourself some grace.
Your writing prompt is:
My mind is most at ease when...